Categories: Maintaining Mindfulness
May the blessings of the Triple Gem be with you all!
Through our spiritual journey together, we are learning to practically train the mind. In this teaching, I hope to show you another aspect of this training. When you practically train your own mind, you gain the ability to experience it directly. This means you begin to truly understand your mind, to comprehend who you are at the deepest level. This is the very method the Lord Buddha taught us. Buddhist Mind Training for Emotional Resilience.
As you establish mindfulness and begin to recognize your thoughts as you learn to watch your own mind you will encounter its many different facets. It is inevitable that you will experience and see these things for yourself. By recognizing them and facing them directly, you gain the ability to elevate your mental state to a much higher level. This is the path the Buddha showed us.
Knowledge vs. Wisdom: A Caution on Studying the Deep Teachings
The Lord Buddha is the only teacher in the world who taught about the mind in such a subtle and detailed way, showing us how to observe its intricate parts. The best example of this is what is known as the Abhidhamma. As you explore your own mind, you can practically experience the profound teachings of the Abhidhamma, which is essentially the deep psychology of Buddhism.
To understand this, you might read books by venerable masters like Rerukane Chandawimala Thero. They can provide you with a great deal of knowledge.
However, I must offer a word of caution. Use these books to gain knowledge, but never let that knowledge become an obstacle to your practical cultivation. Some of these texts describe things that are only comprehensible to a fully enlightened Buddha or to Arahants (liberated beings).
If you try to analyze these concepts with your current mental state, you risk becoming confused and lost. This is why I say that while studying the Abhidhamma, you will find what is suitable for your current level. There is no fault in reading, but the problem arises when you try to force this intellectual knowledge onto your practical experience, believing ‘this must be it.‘
This is why many people in society today fail to understand these teachings and dismiss them as exaggerations. They judge the Buddha’s words based only on their present knowledge and mental capacity. Please, take what you can from your current level, but do not reject what you don’t yet understand.
Realize that your mind is not yet configured to grasp those truths because you haven’t experienced them practically. Don’t label them as ‘exaggerations‘ simply because you cannot comprehend them yet. Accept this advice as you continue your study to broaden your mind and increase your wisdom.
The Universal Dance of Attachment and Aversion
As you study the mind and engage with it practically, you will face various experiences from the day you are born until the day you die. Within your family, your society, your workplace, and among your relatives and friends, you will constantly encounter different situations.
There is a common theme in all of this: you will face things you like, and you will face things you dislike. This is simply the nature of worldly existence.
We often react to these situations in one of two ways. For the things we like, we can become infatuated, intoxicated with desire and strong attachment. For the things we dislike, we often react with strong aversion, enduring them because we feel we have no choice.
If we look at this simply, the Buddha explained this as the dance of attachment and aversion. This is the fundamental experience of clinging to what is pleasant and pushing away what is unpleasant.
The Roots of Mental Suffering
This attachment and aversion exist in the hearts and minds of everyone. According to the way the Buddha taught us, these tendencies remain until one becomes a Buddha or an Arahant. Even those on the lower stages of the path, known as Sotapanna (stream-enterer) and Sakadagami (once-returner), still possess these traits. It is only at the stage of Anagami (non-returner) that they are fully overcome.
For most people, this constant cycle of attachment and aversion inevitably becomes a source of mental torment and pressure. If you have been practically studying your mind, either through these teachings or with another teacher, or even independently, you already know this to be true. It is a source of suffering, but also a key to building emotional resilience.
The Anatomy of Heartbreak: A Case Study in Suffering
To understand this, let’s consider a practical example. Imagine you start a romantic relationship. Whether you are a woman with a man, or a man with a woman, the relationship begins and deepens over time. Then, one day, you discover that your partner is having an affair. You find evidence, and there is no doubt.
Because of this discovery, you experience immense pain, sorrow, and mental pressure. You might lose your appetite; food becomes tasteless. You can’t focus on anything. You go through the motions of daily life showering, eating, working only because you must, not because you want to. Your mind is tormented, and you feel as if you are mentally collapsing.
This happens because you loved that person so much, because you were so attached and bound to them. That mental bond is shattered when you find out they love someone else, and anger and hatred arise, leading to this state of collapse. This is the nature of the mind.
From Mental Pressure to Physical Pain: How the Mind Affects the Body
When we fall like this, it feels as if our entire life has shattered. We start to think, ‘My soul is finished. My life is worthless from now on.‘ In these moments, those with a weaker mental disposition, who cannot bear this kind of suffering, may even reach a point of paying with their own lives. You know of such cases in society.
This happens because the pressure is unbearable. The mental pressure becomes so intense that the nerves in the brain cannot withstand it. Think of a water pipe: if you force too much water through it at high pressure, the pipe can burst. It’s a similar process when this intense pressure from our thoughts hits the brain. The mental pressure translates into physical strain.
This can lead to headaches, and some people develop conditions like migraines or fall into depression. There are many young men and women who are still suffering from these consequences. I use the example of a relationship because it is widely understood, but you must be skillful enough to apply this principle to all your worldly problems: financial issues, problems at work, conflicts within your family. And apply it to both sides attachment and aversion including the things you find pleasurable. Think wisely and adapt this teaching to your own life.
Understanding the Breaking Point
When this pressure becomes unbearable, as I mentioned, some consider taking their own life. I am not encouraging this in any way but explaining the state of mind. At that moment, the mental pressure is so immense that the act of ending one’s life seems less painful in comparison.
The mind perceives it as a form of relief, a way to escape the torment. Anyone would do anything to stop such intense pressure. The severity of this experience is relative; it varies from person to person based on their understanding, social environment, and past experiences. What is devastating for one person may not be for another. I am referring here to those with a more vulnerable mental state.
A Practical Exercise in Emotional Resilience: Asking the Hard Questions
Now, let’s move to the practical exercise for building emotional resilience. From this point on, listen carefully and begin to practice this. Imagine you are in a relationship. You may not trust this person completely, but they charm you with words of love until you are intoxicated and convinced of their sincerity. But let’s say this person has secrets perhaps another relationship and you are unaware.
Ask your own mind this question: ‘If they were to leave me one day, how would I endure it?‘ Or, ‘If I were to discover they have a secret affair, how would I face it?‘ Put that aside for a moment and consider another scenario: ‘What if this person who loves me so sincerely were to suddenly pass away? How would I face that?‘ Contemplate this. Think and see what happens in your mind.
Begin to train your mind in this way, little by little.
How to Practice: Gentle Contemplation for True Freedom
For those of you who have been practicing mindfulness and learning to identify your thoughts, train your mind in this specific way. This is the practical part, so apply it well. When you feel love for someone, try to simulate the scenarios I mentioned. Ask yourself: ‘If this love is betrayed, if they leave me for someone else, or if their life is lost, how will I face it?‘
Practice this thought every day, just a little. Do not practice this like someone with a mental illness, obsessively. Do not overdo it. Just train, little by little. Through this gradual training, the true nature of that person, the reality of this world the truth taught by the Lord Buddha will begin to dawn on your mind. Your latent wisdom from past lives will also begin to surface.
So, you continue to speak lovingly with your spouse, your partner, your boyfriend or girlfriend. But each time you do, hold this thought in the back of your mind: ‘If they deceive me, if they leave me, if I lose them, how will I face it?‘ Think it and then set it aside in your mind.
That means; while remembering this possibility, you still give your love freely. You might think this will create suspicion, but it won’t. You still love them, but you are practicing not to cling to that love. This is the training to ensure you have the emotional resilience to handle what comes.
Practice this. Extend this practice to everything: your parents, your relatives, your job, your property, your body, your youth, your beauty, your academic skills. Train this way with all of it. This is how you wear away the mental defilements, known as kilesas. If you try to think about it all at once, fear will arise because you’ll think it’s actually happening. Instead, think: ‘It might actually happen. How will I face it?‘ That is what needs to be done here.
Your Own Experience is the Greatest Proof
I often use my own experiences to illustrate these teachings, without mentioning names or places, so that you can apply them if you face similar situations. I have such experiences, and it is based on them that I ask you to try this practice. When you do, you will experience the practical side of it for yourself. Experience it and move forward through that understanding. You will surely be able to comprehend this path.
I will stop this portion of the teaching here for today, as I believe this is sufficient for you to work with. Now, practice it. Practice it and experience the results for yourself. There is nothing more for me to say about it. If I told you the results, you might not believe me. Practice it and see for yourself. Then you will understand its value.
Let us meet again another day with another such teaching.
We invite you to walk this path with us. Read our teachings, and most importantly, apply them practically in your own life. as you practice, questions will naturally arise. Please feel free to share your experiences and questions in the comments below, via email or contact form. I will do my best to offer guidance in future talks based on your progress. For now, begin this practice with an open heart and a mind free from expectation. Cultivate it correctly, and may you find the clarity and peace you seek.
Thank you for joining us. We hope this blog will be of great benefit to your spiritual journey.
May you all be well and happy.
May the blessings of the Triple Gem be with you all!
